Oh my god. It's full of code!

Man Skills

Hey everyone. Recently I have been thinking about life, and how we spend our time on this planet. I have always been the type that measures success in life by how much you enjoy it, and to some degree how you are perceived by others. To that end I have spent a lot of time refining one specific skill set that I enjoy and I figured could provide me a decent life style (working with computers), and perhaps even garner some respect from the community. Unfortunately this has lead me to be somewhat over specialized, and lacking in areas that our fathers all took for granted.

With that in mind, I decided to hit the internet and also think about some skills that I figure all men, (and in most cases, any human being) should have. So I have compiled the following list (yes many of them are just copied and pasted from websites, but that doesn’t make them any less accurate). Each week I am going to choose one of these skills at random (actually a program will be choosing them for me) and either refining it (if I already know it somewhat) or learning it from scratch. I’ll be detailing my experiences and in some cases letting my reading public decide if I can really say I have acquired a certain skill or not. Below is the list.

(Please note this list is compiled from suggestions on the internet, not written by me)

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.

2. Tell if someone is lying.

3. Take a photo.

4. Score a baseball game.

5. Name a book that matters.

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.

8. Not monopolize the conversation.

9. Write a letter.

10. Buy a suit.

11. Swim three different strokes.

12. Show respect without being a suck-up.

13. Throw a punch.

14. Chop down a tree.

15. Calculate square footage.

16. Tie a bow tie.

17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.

18. Speak a foreign language.

19. Approach a woman out of his league.

20. Sew a button.

21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.

22. Provide a woman an orgasim

23. Be loyal.

24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.

25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.

26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.

27. Play gin with an old guy.

28. Play go fish with a kid.

29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.

30. Feign interest.

31. Make a bed.

32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.

33. Hit a jump shot in pool.

34. Dress a wound.

35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).

36. Make three different bets at a craps table.

37. Shuffle a deck of cards.

38. Tell a joke.

39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.

41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.

42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.

43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.

44. Ask for help.

45. Break another man’s grip on his wrist.

46. Tell a woman’s dress size.

47. Recite one poem from memory

48. Remove a stain.

49. Say no.

50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.

51. Build a campfire.

52. Step into a job no one wants to do.

53. Sometimes, kick some ass.

54. Break up a fight.

55. Point to the north at any time.

56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.

57. Explain what a light-year is.

58. Avoid boredom.

59. Write a thank-you note.

60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.

61. Cook bacon.

62. Hold a baby.

63. Deliver a eulogy.

64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.

65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.

68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.

69. Tie a knot.

70. Shake hands.

71. Iron a shirt.

72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.

73. Caress a woman’s neck.

74. Know some birds.

75. Negotiate a better price. Be informed.

76. Pick a Lock

77. Run 10 Miles

78. Fix a computer

79. Tie a neck tie

80. Sharpen a knife

81. Fillet a Fish

82. Parallel Park

83. Stop a running toilet

84. Carve a Turkey

85. Make a drink for women

86. Kill an Injured Animal

87. Shine a Shoe

88. Drive a Stick Shift

89. Hook Up an Entertainment Center

90. Navigate a Map and Use GPS

91. Balance a Checkbook

92. Do Laundry Properly

93. Patch a radiator hose

94. Perform CPR

95. Get a car unstuck

96. Paint a room

97. Fix a bike flat

98. Fix a dead outlet

99. set a bone

100. die gallantly

Of course 100 will have to be saved for a later date, so if that should get pulled up, I am going to have to draw again. Some skills man not be achievable in winter, or may require a certain situation to arise, but I’ll do everything in my power to complete the task assigned.

First skill assignment will be drawn Monday. Wish me luck.

Oh also, here are the lists I pulled from

2 responses

  1. I can save you some time on learning #86, it’s pretty simple.

    1) Pick up a loaded gun
    2) Pet the animal gently as you put the gun to its head.
    3) Pull the trigger.

    Make sure that step 3 is done outside, or if done inside make sure you’ve placed newspaper over any carpet or furniture.

    January 19, 2010 at 8:23 am

  2. I actually have had to put a pet down this way before. Not entirely sure how I’ll handle this one when it gets pulled. I may just end marking it off, as I have done it.

    January 20, 2010 at 10:51 pm

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